Kmarts

As promised yesterday, I'll share with you the tale of why I've visited 10 Kmarts this week, and will be visiting 7 more tomorrow...

Nokia makes phones for TracFone, a prepaid phone company. Many, many Nokia 1100s are defective and have been shipped to 800 Kmarts nationally so they're doing a recall. Conveniently, myself and my coworkers are scattered throughout the country and ready to help with a recall! (I later found out we're helping because Kmart workers are incompetent and ill-equipped to handle a recall.) So I got an email with instructions on visiting 17 Kmarts in my territory in order to "help" them pull the phones from inventory and ship them back. Sounds exciting, eh?

I enter the Kmart, attempt to find the electronics department in the dark, dirty store full of ickyness and then attempt to find an employee. After searching for someone (good lord why are there no employees anywhere???) I then politely requested that they track down a manager for me to talk to (a lengthly process as well). After introducing myself to the manager, I explained that TracFone was recalling the 1100, as of Friday they had X number in stock, and I was there to help them gather up the defective phones, have them boxed up, stick a FedEx prepaid label on the box, and have the box picked up later that day. Please note the word help - I'm there to help them out.

After presenting the paperwork verifying what I just told them, I got lots of strange responses, including "How come I haven't heard about this before?" (you don't read your email), "Why are the phones being recalled? (they're defective, retard), "What about phones we've already sold?" (customers can return them - are you unfamiliar with the process of returning things you bought, stupid?) and my favorite "Isn't this a little late in the day to be doing this?" (Um, it's 5:15pm, your store doesn't close till 9pm, and you're the 6th store I've visited after driving 300 miles today, Mr. Manager. I hate you).

I'm not sure how other mass merchants handle their inventory but Kmart was a sight to be seen. Items on the floor were somewhat easy to find (although not as easy as you'd assume) but the backroom was a mess. Most stores have 3-4 different places in the back they "usually" keep their backstock. Great idea because it equals no one knows where the hell anything is and they likely don't have the key to get into where they're kept anyway... Luckily, my background at 3M's packaging services came in handy as I taped up boxes and applied labels.

The best part was 1/2 hour after I visited the store when the inventory manager called me to say the found 3 more phones and what should they do with them? I explain that the memoI left with them includes instructions for mailing the phones back - just box 'em up, slap on a label, and ship them to the address on the memo. Essentially, the process I completed hand in hand with them less than an hour ago. Their concern - "But I don't have a label?" Um, it's a blank FedEx label - find one (they're supposed to have them in the store but no one could ever find them so I started bringing my own - free picked up at your local Kinkos/FedEx) and fill in the info and account number. After much resistence/confusion, I ended up FedExing them a blank label I filled in with the pertinent information to them to slap on the box. Ridiculous.

So aside from driving 300 miles in one day (not fun when you end up at the same place you started rather than far away from home i.e. a roadtrip) this was not a fun project, but I have some valuable takeways. I learned that Kmart store managers do not necessarily have all their teeth, if any HS seniors are debating if "college is for them" a tour of the local Kmart should have them ramping up for admittance essays, and that you can't assume people 18+ can multiply (as in 3x3=9 (sometimes they come up with 10 or 12)).

And I know why Kmart is going out of business / being bought out - everyone that works there is literally dumb dumb dumb. Seriously dumb. And their stores couldn't be located in worse places - little podunk towns or intersections from hell or the ghetto. Bad marks to the Kmart real estate group. (I know most of their locations have been there 25 years but still...)

I'll let you know if anything exciting during my Kmart visits on Thursday. I know you're dying to know what happens in my pathetic life.