Wanted: Fashion Police

For the gym. You should have to pass by "gym fashion police" before entering during the month of January.

I ventured to the gym for the first year and first found the elliptical machines signed up for the next 45 minutes (and then being empty for most of this time which I found highly questionable - perhaps first time gym-ers signed up for more than they could handle?)

Next, I started noticing everyone's highly questionable gym attire, including:

• Acid washed jean shorts on a dude
• Green too-tight cargo shorts on a dude
• Swim trunks x2 (both dudes)
• Fuschia sweatpants (w/ elastic at the ankle) with matching fuschia sweatshirt on a lady
• Jeans, granted they were loose-ish on a dude
• Tennis shoes w/ no socks (not just short socks - NO socks) on a dude
• Prefontaine running shorts on a lady
• A black shirt and shorts that you'd usually see worn at a Korn concert on a dude
• Biker shorts on a dude and a lady
• Electric blue business suit on a lady

OK, the last one is a lie. But aside from that, I'm telling the truth - all this in maybe an hour and a half at the Midway gym. Ooh - and one very smelly, smelly man. I had to get away asap. Smelly.

You made a resolution to go to the gym - that's acceptable. Just remember to ask for new gym duds from Santa first.